May 1st - 1 month down

Wow, time sure flies when you are having fun egh?

This is a shot of my leg almost 3 weeks post surgery.  This is what I get to lug around every day.  Notice the weights and my ab mat in the background.

As far as food, it seems every day is the same so it is hard to post:

Breakfast:
cup of coffee
small bowl of oatmeal

Lunch:
apple or pear

Dinner:
My friends have been bringing dinner over 3 days a week, so I will eat what is brought.  On the weekend, again, I will eat a small dinner.  Last night I had small plate with grilled chicken, fresh green beans and a scoop of mash potatoes.

As far as workouts go:

Again, it is hard on one leg but I have to admit, that without crossfit, I would not have made it this far.  My upper body was very strong prior to this accident, and it honestly makes getting around on crutches pretty easy.  Everyone will ask if my armpits are sore.  I always reply "I don't use my arm pits, I use my arms".

Also, my abs.  My now, prior to CF, I would be disgusted with my abs.  But honestly, making a conscience effort when I use my walker or crutches to suck it all in as well as do sit ups with weights every day, has made my core even stronger.

The one thing that is starting to get to me though is my lack of cardio.  With this cast on my leg, the idea of working up a huge sweat scares me for, my leg will sweat and it grosses me out.  I do go this Thursday to get a new cast on and hopefully, my foot will then be at a 90 degree.

Once I get the go ahead, I will start biking...well, stationary.  Everything I have read about achilles injuries, is that, biking puts little stress on that achilles and is usually the first exercise that a dr. will allow.

So, although not much going on here, I see that in the last month, I have taken recovery to a different level and have kept up my exercise as well as eating better.

April 27th (day 27) - 3 weeks ago today the a new challenge presented itself

So exactly 3 weeks from this moment, I was getting in my car to go to CF.   It was Good Friday and after working out, we had a grand day planned.  Not only did we have a great weekend planned, we also had a great Easter Break planned.  On the Tuesday after Easter, I was going to fly out to New Hampshire to Walt's sisters house with the kids.  My nieces and nephew were so excited and my kids were counting down the days.

That Thursday, Walt and his parents were going to fly into NH where we would all enjoy a few days together.  That Saturday morning, Walt, me and the kids were then going to drive into Boston, check into the hotel and my father in law snagged us tickets for the Red Sox game.  We would go to the game, go out to dinner and enjoy walking around Boston.  Having been to Boston many times, we were so excited for the weather was going to be beautiful.

On Sunday morning, after lunch, Emily and I had tickets to the Boston Opera House to see Riverdance in the front row.  While we enjoyed the show, Walt and the boys would go to the convention center and pick up Walt's bib for the Boston Marathon.

Monday, April 17th, we were going cheer Walt on as he tried to break 2:45.

Well, with 5 double unders to go at the end of my work out, my achilles on my right foot snapped and as the pain radiated up my calf, I knew this wasn't going.

So the more and more I go through the day, I realize this 90 challenge is more about making it mentally through each day than what I eat.

As I have been sitting in this house for the last 3 weeks, I keep thinking about my challenge.  I also keep thinking about this whole process.  I had my firsts official breakdown on Sunday night and needless to say, once I can walk, I have a huge mess of stuff to clean up in the basement. But that breakdown was what I needed and I am sure I will have a few more!

I wanted this 90 day challenge to help me get my ass in gear.  For the first time in years, I have felt so great about myself physically and I felt I was on the road to be in the best shape of my life.

But God hands up obstacles and instead of crying about it and feeling sorry for myself, I decided, in the hospital that I would take every lesson learned and make my life that much better.  This is no load of bullshit.  I know I will heal from this and many times I think that this could have been so much worse.  I could have cancer or had an accident where this situation is permanent.

My life changed for ever the day my mom died and I had never been through so much pain than I was on that day, Dec. 28, 2002.  I knew if I could get through that, this was going to be easy.  Well, not easy but I was going to walk away, stronger than ever!

So I guess my point for this entry is that, I am still doing my 90 challenge, but although it might not be all about exercise and food, it is going to more about focusing on the mental part of my body and that I will need to overcome in order to, by the end of the 90 days, knowing, I will be back in the gym and ready to focus on the physical part of my body.

But I will admit, it took me a while to get over the fear of doing box jumps after I tripped once, I doubt I will ever ever ever do a double under again.  Funny thing, is doing box jumps has made walking around on crutches and going up stairs so much easier.  Actually getting around has been easy thanks to getting my body in shape.

I still have the same goals that I did at the beginning, such as doing unassisted pull ups and dropping some weight.....

April 23-Day 23....

So I have missed over 2 weeks but with my injury, I have not been exercising that much at all. 

So I have decided to get back into a program to at least keep me sane.  I must admit, with these pain meds, it has really suppressed my appetite but I am also realizing, going from working out almost every day of the week to zero, I have to really watch what I eat.

BREAKFAST:
cup of coffee
small bowl of raisin bran

SNACK:
small organic apple
small meatball (Holly brought dinner over for tonight and I had to try a meatball-yum)

LUNCH:
3 bites of Patrick's leftover taco

SNACK:
cookie (again that Holly brought over-had to try)

DINNER:
small bowl of homemade Holly's spaghetti (with whole wheat pasta) and 2 small meatballs
glass of milk

WATER/DRINKS:
about 20 oz water
25oz of decaf green tea/ice cubes/orange juice

EXERCISE:
lower back presses
35 sit ups
20(l) hamstring exercises with band
10(r) hamstring exercises with band
15(l) achilles stretches/presses with band

I am still about 4 weeks from putting any weight on my right leg, so right now I am using the exercise band to work my right hamstring.

Sat. April 7 (day 7)

FOOD:

Breakfast:
Coffee
protein bar

Snack:
cheese stick
handful of pretzels

Lunch:
I didn't eat lunch.  I didn't feel too well.

Snack:
5 Ritz crackers

Dinner:
small salad, 10 bites of minestrone soup and a small serving of Andiomos meat pasta.  (everyone was starving for dinner and with me taking a long nap and Walt running errands, Andiamos hit the spot.)

Water:
Didn't keep track but not as much as I should be drinking.  I would say about 30oz.


EXERCISE:
Pretty much, walking with crutches and a walker have been my exercise.  I have been holding my abs in super tight when I use the walker/crutches.  I also have been going up and down the stairs on my behind, so my arms are getting a work out.

So these were on my steps when I got home yesterday and I opened them up.  My Nike Free for Cross Fit and my Asics Gel Nimbus for running:-(  Walt ordered them for me on Wednesday and there they sit, all shinny and new.

Walt found a website for me to do some easy exercises without using my leg.  I can already tell my arms are sore and my abs are being worked.   I am also going to check into Walt's physical therapy place that has a zero gravity bike.  I will wait until after surgery a few weeks, but I would like to somehow keep my cardio up.  The only downside, is that, like my dr. said, getting sweaty with a cast, will not be pleasant.  But I will get the cast taken off each week to move my foot, so maybe I shoot for the day before my visits to kick up my cardio.  We shall see. I will be taking it easy, but I feel like knowing I have 10 weeks, at least, I need to keep a plan going.

My daughter said to me tonight, when we were talking about her birthday which is on Wednesday "Mom, you know what I would really like for my birthday.  For you to be able to do your one pull up."  Made me smile.  I told her "as soon as I get the cast on my foot and I know I can't hurt it, I will start practicing again!!!

Friday, April 6 (day 6) - not quite what I had expected....

Woke up this morning at 8 after a great 9 hours of sleep.  All of this working out, really tired me out. 

Had a protein bar and a cup of coffee and had off for 9am crossfit.

Prior to the WOD, I practiced pull ups. I was within 2 inches of doing my pull up unassisted.  I knew I would have it in a few days and I felt again, proud of myself.

Today the WOD was double unders and sit ups.  Well, I was on a roll with the double unders.  I could do 2 singles then a double but I knew I was jamming my feet/legs.  I would then do a bunch of singles and toss in a double and I was so proud of myself that I could do the doubles.  Again, I could feel my body getting stronger.

The last 10, I looked at Tyler and said "I am going to do all of them double unders" and off I went.  I was going pretty good but I could tell I was jumping pretty hard but I was almost done when all of sudden, I felt like someone took one of the sand balls and slammed it against my ankle.  As I was jumping, I turned around thinking maybe I tripped over something when I saw that there was nothing there.  Then I could feel pain shoot right up my calf.

OMG...what the hell did I do?  Tyler was standing right there and I quickly grabbed his arm.  I couldn't stand on my right foot.  I knew it wasn't a sprain but my gut told me I popped my achilles. 

Rebbecca came over and they both sat me down.  I could feel the pain start to radiate in my ankle and it took everything for me to not cry.  Not sure why I didn't want to cry.  Maybe because I felt if I didnt' cry, it wasn't happening.

I told them I needed to go to the ER and off Rebbecca took me.  I called Walt and told him to meet me up at St. Joe's.

As I sat in the room, I knew what happened, but I was not going to accept what just happened.  A few times I broke down crying.  Walt showed up and Rebbecca left.  Then there was a knock at the door and Tyler was there.  I was in an instant, amazed at this wonderful family that I was a part of.  Honestly, it was so incredible the way everyone over to CF really helped me.  It almost made me cry again.

The doctor confirmed that it was indeed ruptured but there was no break in my foot bone.  Honestly, I actually wished I broke a bone rather than this for it would heal quicker.

I saw my work outs, tennis and tennis team and just plain mental state go out the window in an instant. I was not feeling sorry for myself whatsoever.  Quite the opposite. I kept thinking, wow, this is fixable.  I will be good as new a few months from now, but hearing the things that people we knew were going through such as cancer, loosing an eye made me realize this, in the big picture is nothing.  Still made me cry though, for we had a great trip planned next week to New Hampshire. 

I was going to fly out with the kids on Tuesday, stay with Kate when on Thursday, Walt and his parents were going to fly in.  We would stay in Portsmouth until Saturday morning when we would drive into Boston, go to the Red Sox game, Sunday, Emily and I had tickets to the Boston Opera House, front row to see River Dance and on Monday, Walt was going to run the Boston Marathon.

I could feel and still feel so much guilt built up inside of me but again, I had to move on mentally.

Around 7pm tonight, we went over to Gina and Ron's, who Ron is an orthopedic surgeon.  He looked at my leg and gave it to me straight:

My achilles is ruptured. There might be a strand or two, but it is shot.  An MRI would tell us both how bad the ends are for if they are frayed, it would be a little longer recovery.

Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday morning at 7am.  I will be put in a cast after and will go back to see Ron every week where he will take the cast off, move my foot a little and recast the leg.  It will start with my toes pointed to shorten the space to allow the tendon to heal with the goal after 6 weeks for my foot to be at a 90 degree.  He said he will know each week how I am healing.

After about 6 weeks (I pray sooner) I will be put on a boot to further let the tendon heal.  I will then begin physical therapy for another 6 weeks. 

I am praying that my body heals fast but I have to be realistic with this all. 

The worst part is that it is my right foot which means driving is going to be tough and for the first few weeks, I will not be able to drive at all. 

Working out, I will still try to do with my upper body as well as my legs and I can already tell, I will be able to keep it up.  But with the cast on, I need to be careful about sweating too much for I will not be able to wash my leg with the cast on.

Well, what are you going to do.  I will get through this.  I will take it day by day but I will stay in the 90 day challenge.  I need to have something to focus on.  I need to know that by the end of June, I will have the boot off and I will get back to myself.  My achilles will be as good as new and although I will probably never jump rope again, I WILL be able to do my pull up!!!

April 5, Thursday (day 5)

 FOOD:
Breakfast:
Coffee
cup of oatmeal

Snack:
Protein bar

Lunch:
small greek salad (lettuce, garbanzo beans, cukes and light feta), no dressing (usually when we go to coney, I order chili fries...not today and I ate no pita bread)

Snack:
handful of cashews

Dinner:
We went to The Lodge
I had a Santa Fe Salad with barely no dressing (I dip my fork in the dressing and hardly used any)
1 large Cherry Wheat Beer (enjoyed every drop)

Water:
50oz and still drinking

EXERCISE:
Crossfit:
warm up:
Gymnastics: I used the yellow band and did one pull up.  Basically it is not like using a band at all, but in my mind I needed it.  Tried to do one unassisted pull up....just short.  URG.

Skill: 200 KB swings
I used a 25 pound kb.  I did the first 50 above my head and then saw that I didn't have to.  Did 5 knees to chest then 50 more kb swings, 5 knees to chest, 50 more kb swings, 5 knees to chest and finished 200 kb swings in 9:21. 

This is the result of the 200 kb swings. I know I could have used the 35# weight, but I had to get home, shower and get to tennis.

Got home, showered (my arms were trembling when I blow dried my hair from the pain in my forearms aching) and took Matthew & Patrick to tennis.  Matthew & I took an hour lesson with Charlie at 10 am.  My hands ached when I gripped my racket from my blister/calluses.   While Patrick took his lesson, Matthew and I played some more on the other court. 

THOUGHTS:
Boy, am I tired today.  I am glad I got to cross fit. I wanted to sleep in so bad, but I had to take my car in at 7:30 so I knew today was a day I had to do both.  But my body is tired and achy.

I even bought cupcakes for the kids with the Tigers' emblem on them and haven't touched one nor will I!

I am getting up in the morning and going to CF at 9!

Wednesday, April 4 (day 4)

FOOD:

Breakfast:
Coffee
cup of oatmeal

Snack:
about 5 cashews

Lunch:
 1/2 Vega One shake (didn't read the side effects from drinking this drink so I am cutting back until my system is used to it.

Snack:
handful of pretzels
handful of M&Ms (while putting together Easter baskets)
Dinner:
2 eggs mixed with spinach, diced tomatoes, slice of swiss cheese and pepper
Water:
80oz and still going

EXERCISE:
Tennis for an hour with Charlie. I took my one hour lesson and I boy did I sweat.

I have to admit, I am proud of myself for my food today.  I am a very healthy cooker when it comes to making dinner.  I never use salt, I only use olive oil, I always have fresh fruit and greek yogurt and we never have sugar cereal in the house.   Where I get into trouble is during the day. I can start off with a great breakfast and then the afternoon comes and I am out and about and then I pull into Burger King for a burger.  Then at night, I am a "bored" eater. I can sit down to watch tv and I feel like I have to do something so I grab munchies.  Well, not anymore.

Today I had that inkering to go grab a burger since I was right there at the vet, but I opted to go home and drink some water.

Today, I made whole wheat pancakes with blueberries and sausage for dinner.  I LOVE pancakes and I do make them healthy, but I knew I had to eat a  little healthier, so I made my egg omelet.  The funny thing is that 2 of my kids actually tried my omelet and liked it.

I am learning to just think before I eat, which again, is going to take time.  But it is small steps and as I start to feel better about not eating so terrible during the day, I will see that it will all pay off.

Tuesday, April 3 (day 3)

FOOD:

Breakfast:
Coffee
small bowl of shredded wheat

Lunch:
bagel with light cream cheese (weak moment at Bruggers with Anne)

Came home and made:
Vega One shake with greek yogurt, bananas and orange juice

Snack:
apple

Dinner:
*small salad (spinach, carrots, cukes, olive oil/balsamic)
*small bowl of homemade spicy shrimp (whole wheat pasta with sauce (olive oil, garlic, oregano, basil, salt free tomatoes, red pepper seeds and cooked shrimp)

After Dinner:
Another story.  I had a giant spoonful of peanut butter with dark chocolate chips and a cup of coffee.

Water:
65oz

EXERCISE:
Worked out at home and did some weights but not good enough.  Felt very icky today like I had no energy.

Summary:
Boy, today was a hard day.  I sorta felt like I was in a funk.  I had no motivation and really felt restricted on my food.  Although I ate fine, I felt like I had to think before I ate and although it drove me nuts even though, in the end, I liked it.   I am sure I might of eaten more, out of boredom, but I watched it. 

As for exercising, I was going to go work out, but I felt I had too much to do around the house, which was an excuse!

This 90 challenge is really going to transform me.  I needed to go through a day like today and feel terrible about not working out so I don't do it again.  Knowing I had to blog about it, makes me feel accountable and it makes this process even more worth it.

Getting my head in the game!!!!!

Monday, April 2nd (day 2)

FOOD:

Breakfast:
Coffee
cup of oatmeal

Lunch:
Bowl of leftover chili
Vega One shake

Snack:
apple
10 Skittles

Dinner:
Vega One shake

Water:
80oz

EXERCISE:
Crossfit:

Skill: I was able to do one clean and jerk at 73 pounds so I am still in leval 1. Had a hard time getting the clean. Goal for next time...doing 2 at 73 pounds.

Baseline:
We all did our baseline work out and without knowing what my initial time was, I decided I was going to kick it up as hard as I could. There was a guy on the rower before me and I was bound and determined to beat his time for the 500M row....did it (I beat him by 40 seconds for 500m)!

First Baseline in November 2011:
purple band for pull ups
8:57

Baseline today:
thin blue band for pull ups
5:21

Very proud of myself on the baseline.

Goal for baseline in 88 days:
super thin red band
4:40

Sunday, April 1, 2012 (day 1)

FOOD:

Breakfast: *cup of oatmeal, *cup of coffee

Lunch: *Iron Girl nutrition bar

Snack: *I caved and bought a Dunkin Donuts coffee

Dinner: *Bowl of homemade chili
(low sodium V8 juice, no salt kindney beans, no salt
black beans, ground turkey, no salt tomatoes, spices)
small handful of sharp cheddar cheese

Snack: *apple

WATER INTAKE: 80oz water

EXERCISE:
Crossfit: 50 burpees & 100 thrusters

Thought for the day:
Today was hard for I had to actually keep track of what I ate which actually made me eat less!

My 90 day challenge decision...updated...

So, I have decided to redo my reason for the 90 day challenge. Not that my previous reason wasn't a reason, more that, I feel the need to admit to myself that this is going to be very hard for me.

For my whole life, I have been active. I played softball in grade school, was a pom pom girl and dancer in high school and after high school I taught aerobics for 12 years as well as did some personal training. I was always busy and active while working full time as a paralegal.

Although I taught a ton of classes and worked out a lot, I never was the size I wanted to be. I guess I fell victim to the "if I weighed a certain amount, I would be happy". But as we all know this isn't the truth. I had a distorted image of myself and no matter what, I would judge myself.

Although deep down, I am happy with my life, honestly, I still fall victim to the weight/size issue. I admit it. I look at other people and think, no matter their size, I am bigger than them. Sad, I know but I can't help it.

Having 3 kids only made it harder to work out when I was indeed tired. I would make up excuses when I was working out and for the last 10 years, I will admit, I have not given it 100%. I would always say "next time I will work out harder".

In November, I started Cross Fit and for the first time, I felt like I found the motivation I needed. I felt like I could see my body get stronger although the scale didn't change. And for the first time in my entire life, I became ok with my body. I am not 100% there yet, but I am working on it.

Knowing I have to watch what I eat, I didn't like the idea of watching what I ate. I am a Type A personality and the thought of having to count calories or admit to eating something bad didn't appeal to me. I don't like giving up control. So when this 90 day came up, I thought it was time for me to give 100%, to hold myself accountable and prove that if I give it my all, I can do what I want to do and learn to be happy with myself. To show myself that pushing myself a little more will pay off and when I hold myself accountable, I can get the body I want and desire. Although it has taken me a long time to get to this point in my life, I know that it will all be worth it.

I fall victim to the stress munching and eating out of bordem so I am on a journey to change my body for the good. Getting older had made me realize it is now or never and my goal is to be as healthy as I can be.

My nutritional goals:

* supplement one meal (sometimes 2) with a Vega-One Nutritional Shake

* no impulse snacking with junk food

* consume 64oz water a day

* limit myself to one cup of coffee a day (very tough one)

* I am not going to give myself a "free day" for I feel that I don't need a full day to be able to binge. I would rather allow myself to go through the week and play each day by day.

My fitness goals:

* work out 7 days a week in some capacity

* to be able to do 10 pull-ups unassisted

* to be able to do 10 full unassisted push ups